1. When you compliment us, please say, " You are beautiful" or "Damn, you are hot", not "You look beautiful tonight" or "You look beautiful in that dress." Keep it simple.
2. If you've been reading my posts, own your look, whatever it is. Don't say, "If I was only a Keanu or Brad Pitt". When you own it, that's hot. It's tougher for us women because men are initially attracted to us by looks..its the card that mother nature dealt. We have to be hot to be hot.
3. Take time during foreplay. That area that makes us gushy...the sides of our body between the waist and armpit, brushing it slightly there without groping..spend more time there.
4. Making out for an hour as if we were teenagers. It's incredibly fun and I miss doing it. Don't you?
5. Getting a towel for that wet spot or sleeping on it so we don't have to.
6. Hire a babysitter and make the plans for a romantic evening out. Plan it with enough time so we have time for makeup, shower, and to get dressed without the kids.
7. If your undershirts have yellow stains on the pit area, please throw them away. While you are at it, buy shirts that fit...you aren't as big as you think. If you are big, know its about the "fit". Draping yourself in oversized shirts makes you look like a circus tent was dropped on you. Need advice??? Drop me an email…I'm happy to go shopping with you.
8. If you are manscaping, please don't take it too far. We like you with some (emphasis on some) hair and like you groomed. Big Don'ts: unibrows, hair growing out of the nose or ears, and fur coats. If you have tufts of hair on your fingers, they are now considered paws, shave them off your digits. Make friends with the local Russians because they give great Brazilians.
9. If you are late, please call....not 20 minutes after the fact.
10. Birthday gifts- if you are not sure, ask her friends. Hint: If you are buying something for me, no need to ask them, because like a good girl scout, I am prepared with my list. Just putting it out there…btw, it is in March.
11. Clean and soft bedroom sheets. No animal print or satin ones. On that note, no waterbeds either. If you don't know what thread count is, take a trip to Bed, Bath, & Beyond. The higher the thread count and cleaner your sheets are, the longer we will want to be in bed with YOU.
12. Acknowledging us with a hug, kiss, and its good to see you when we come home will earn you more couch time or alone time.
13. Brushing your teeth and tongue. If you can't remember your last visit with the dentist, you are due. Nothing worse than being known as "Shit Breath"
14. Use a condom or ask if we have one.
15. If you are working the comb over, time to shave it off. Bald is sexy. Business in the front and party in the back is no party for us.
16. Create a special code word or phrase to let us know when we are bitchier than normal and our behavior is downright mean. We are all crazy (cool crazy to all out Fatal Attraction- bunny in the cookpot crazy). If you have the Ms. Fatal Attraction stalking you, my condolences (if you are not sure she's stalking you- look out your window or change your computer/online passwords).
17. Last but not least, will you put down the toilet seat? Pretty pleeaase? It's no fun for us to land in a bowl of water nor is it fun for you if we howl like a banshee when you are dead asleep. Food for thought.
GUYS: What do you think? Are we asking for too much? Please comment back and let me know what you think! No Facebooking me on this….How about what turns you on????
No comments:
Post a Comment